Goodbye, Valentine

A tribute to my one and only dog, George

I apologize for not sharing audio with this post, it was a difficult one for me to write.

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I never liked Valentine’s Day. It served either as a commercial, performative barometer of my relationships, or a reminder that I was alone. And while I love celebrating love, there’s nothing as uniquely depressing as streams of men returning home from work with gas station flowers. So yeah, I could generally do without it.

That is, until I met George. He was a 9-month-old love bug, born on February 14th. Granted, he’d been a stray, so someone definitely made that up to make him more adoptable (as if he needed it, psh). But it didn’t matter. He was my valentine.

George was my best friend, my running partner, my snuggle buddy, and my protector. He was my constant through so much change. He endured the same cycle of abuse I experienced in my marriage. When my ex-husband and I split, George stayed with me. When the pandemic hit, we moved to my family’s summer house and lived in isolation. What started out as the worst year of my life became one of the best. We ran unleashed on the beach and cuddled up at night, developing a sense of safety together.

Heartbreakingly, we also developed chronic illnesses together. George got diagnosed in 2021, two years before I collapsed into severe Long COVID and ME/CFS. He was by my side when I thought my heart might actually give out from exhaustion. I made peace with it, in no small part because he was with me.

George had protein-loss enteropathy (PLE), a severe intestinal syndrome with a survival rate of 12-18 months. With dedicated and devoted care, he gave me and Dave three extra years of love. We would have kept going forever. I hope he knew that.

We lost George on November 15th. The ER vet wrapped him in a soft, fuzzy blanket, the kind I would have brought for him if I’d known it would be our last trip. I kissed his velvety forehead a few extra times, knowing it would never be enough, and thanked him for being there all those years. For being mine. Then, we let him go.

George kisses over the years

This winter has been colder than usual, and clouded by grief. A painfully short time after George passed, we got our first true snow storm in years. Thick and sticking, leaving globs of icy confection on the evergreens and sycamores lining our neighboring streets. I started to cry as I opened the blinds to a sparkling winter wonderland. George would have had an absolute blast.

-Goodbye, Valentine-
Thank you, my dear friend
For knowing me in this lifetime
And nestling in the crevices of my soul.
I hope that’s where you’ll stay, now.
I consider sending a teaspoon of your ashes to a jeweler in California
Who promises you will rest forever on my heart
And I feel comforted yet confused, because here you are — 
In the sunrise itching my eyelids
The squirrels rustling dried leaves
The hungry gull perched and peering by the bay
In the snap of a stick I toss for a Norwich Terrier
Who is absolutely adorable, and unbearably not you.
You’ve become everywhere
And you’re still everything to me.
The animal in me misses the animal of you — 
Your weight at my side
The wordless understanding
The unbreakable bond.
It was all without pretense,
It was unconditional love.

I welcome photos of your valentines (furry and otherwise) in honor of George today and everyday <3

All my love,
Lisa