26 Comments
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Tigs's avatar

Oof you made me cry! I also have a cat who has been my best friend and dearest companion for much of the 4 years I've been ill. Cats are incredible company for chronic illness - so content in stillness and rest, so present, so pleased with small pleasures. And having /someone/ be pleased im stuck in bed cos it means more cuddles has been a silver lining that kept me tethered to life in my darkest and most isolated times. Wishing you and Carlos as much time together as possible x

Morgana Clementine's avatar

Yes.. I have found so much more peace with being in bed a lot through my cats being with me... and they don't judge or think I should be doing better... they are just there with their love, showing us how to be present.

Lisa ⨾ mylongpause's avatar

You’re going to make me cry, so beautiful said! Thank you so much for being here 🫶

Ricky Wang's avatar

"I care for him, not to save him, for the first time in 11 years, but to honor him" — that shift, from trying to fix to simply honoring, is something I recognize from caring for my mom, who has Alzheimer's. At some point the goal quietly changes from cure to comfort, and it's such a hard, tender transition to sit with.

Sending you and Carlos as much peaceful time together as possible.

Lisa ⨾ mylongpause's avatar

Ricky, thank you for reading and relating. I can only imagine what you’re experiencing caregiving for your mother. I’m so sorry you’re both going through that. You sound like a great son. Wishing you moments of peace and rest for yourself too, it’s so important. ❤️‍🩹

Ricky Wang's avatar

Thank you, Lisa. That's actually something that took me a while to learn — to care for myself too, and give myself a break instead of feeling like I always needed to be doing more. Still a work in progress most days. ❤️

Lisa ⨾ mylongpause's avatar

Oh yes, work in progress always, but I’m glad to hear it. ❤️

Alta M.'s avatar

I'm so sorry about Carlos! It's hard to watch a family member be ill. I lost my cat in April of this year, after 17 years of snuggling with her. Sending hugs.

Lisa ⨾ mylongpause's avatar

I’m so sorry you lost your kitty 💔 I know the grief you must be going through, after losing our dog in November. They really are family. Hugs to you too.

Morgana Clementine's avatar

"He, Carlos, chose me

for a reason, so I could feel this

kind of love while breaking open

and break open while feeling this love." Breaks my heart reading this 💔Your love and deep bond shines through every word of this poem... our beloved animal companions are indeed soulmates but sadly loaned to us for such a short time. Your writing is so powerful and vivid, it had me in tears. Sending lots of love ❤️

Lisa ⨾ mylongpause's avatar

Aw Morgana, you’re going to get me going!! 🥺 thank you so much. All my love to you and your kitties too ❤️

Bea's avatar

Ugh, my heart breaks for you. My dog is a senior too, and I spend a lot of energy making sure he's ok, bracing when he's not - and I wouldn't change it. Pre-grief and grief takes so much energy for anyone, let alone people with chronic illness. It's not fair, I'm sorry.

Lisa ⨾ mylongpause's avatar

Sending all my love to you and your pup. It does take a lot of energy, and you’re right, I wouldn’t give it up for anything. It’s how I love him, and repay him for the many years he was present with me. Thank you, I’m sorry too and hope you guys have a soft week ❤️‍🩹

Invisible Together's avatar

Lisa, it’s not fair. Life takes more than we can bear then it takes a little more. I’m hurting for you. I know you are already fighting tooth and nail against grief. Now this? I’ve learned not to care about crying in public and just know everyone at this coffee shop knows how much I care rn. I ….have no words, just tears. Love you💝

Lisa ⨾ mylongpause's avatar

I’m so touched thinking of you crying for me, let alone in public 😭 thank you for saying that, and being here with me. Love you back.

Kristin's avatar

Hugs 🤗 If you aren’t already aware, there are veterinarians that provide euthanasia services at home. When it’s time, if that’s something you choose for Carlos, there might be someone in your area. I was a veterinary nurse that specialized in end of life care (before Long Covid required me to file for disability.) If you have questions or want to know more, feel free to DM me. The grief starts before they’re gone, but the memories you’re making last forever. ❤️

Lisa ⨾ mylongpause's avatar

Thank you, Kristin. I know our spoons are few and precious, and I appreciate you. ❤️‍🩹 it’s definitely something I’m thinking about after losing our dog, George earlier this year. Grateful my partner will be back from traveling today so I can take a lil break and not feel like I’m in this alone. But you’ve already helped with that. Hugs xx

Christina | one patient’s pen's avatar

Ugh I’m writing this behind tears. Carlos sounds like your version of my 🐈 cat. He just turned 15, seems to have some gastro issues that we haven’t quite pinpointed yet and chose me too, before all of this.. before I really needed him. They really are the best friends.

I hope you’re both doing better today after a rough weekend 🤍

Lisa ⨾ mylongpause's avatar

😭 thank you for letting me know, sounds like you’re really in it with me. If you ever have any questions about protein allergies, medications, etc., we’ve been through quite a lot so I might be able to help. For now, hoping your kitty has a good week, and you do too! Appreciate you ❤️

Christina | one patient’s pen's avatar

It’s way more stressful than any of my own health issues. I hate seeing him like that 😞 Thank you for being here 🤍

Lisa ⨾ mylongpause's avatar

I know what you mean, it’s so hard to watch and not be able to talk to them. Of course 🫶

Nessie's avatar

lisa 😭😖 I’m so sorry this is happening. 💔 It broke my heart reading this. You shared how you felt so beautifully…I was on a walk with my dog when I listened to this (love hearing your voice!!) and I just had to stop and hug her. 🥺

Being a dog owner these hit hard:

“He, Carlos, chose me

for a reason, so I could feel this

kind of love while breaking open

and break open while feeling this love.”

“I want to give him years from my life

so that we can meet in the middle

and never be apart. ♡”

This is such a beautiful line: “I care for him, not to save him, for the first time

in 11 years, but to honor him

and thank him for taking care of me.”

Sending gentle hugs to you and Carlos ❤️‍🩹

Lisa ⨾ mylongpause's avatar

Aww Nessie, I’m glad this prompted you to give your pup a hug! Give her another one for me? I miss mine so much I pretty much chase any doggie that comes within a 10ft radius lol.

We really do sign ourselves up for the best love, and the biggest heartbreak, which go hand in hand (or paw). Thank you for being here with me today, big hugs 🫂

Nessie's avatar

I will! 💕🐶 ughhh, I could relate to that feeling when I lost my first two dogs. If I knew you irl I’d let you hug my doggo!

Yesss we do, also I love the way you worded that. So true. Sigh. 😔 thanks for sharing this 🙏 ❤️‍🩹 hugs back

Lisa ⨾ mylongpause's avatar

❤️‍🩹❤️ it’s so hard.. sigh is right. Life!

David B Younger's avatar

❤️